It would be impossible to tell you all the things I learned about being a caregiver and working with seniors for the past 10 years. With utmost sincerity, I do know this about older adults: they know more than we give them credit for, are more secure in themselves, resolute in their opinions, know what they want and what they don’t want, do not care about what others think of them, and… ‘have been there, done that’. Do you agree? For the most part, they generously share where they have lived over the past 60+ years and what occupations they’ve held, what it was like in their childhood and teenage years, the lessons they learned along the way, and even the struggles and difficulties of loss. A caring, fully present, and inquisitive companion will always win their heart and trust. It happened with me over and over again with each new family. The adult daughter (usually the primary caregiver) became my ally when sensitive issues came up that needed revealing—matters of safety and hygiene, or problems with activities of daily living. I felt a responsibility to keep the adult children abreast of what we did and any areas of concern I might have through phone calls, emails, or text. They were mostly appreciative for this correspondence and it became my habit to somehow bridge their world with some of the mundane activities in their parents’ world. Sometimes, though, I felt a little guilty that I had betrayed a confidence—and to be honest, perhaps stirred up some family drama. Nevertheless, I have been blessed to remain as ‘extended family’ to most I have served.
We do not move at their pace, and to them it is “normal” to just sit and “be.”
My first formal experience in private duty care was for a couple in their 90’s. They were tough on me, but they were also wonderful and gave me a firm foundation in ‘caregiving 101’. I carried my homemaking skills into the job, which was easy and enjoyable. As long as I prepared the foods that they wanted to their specifications the dinner hour was a success. I never minded a little housekeeping because it kept me busy and gave me a minor workout, which was preferable to sitting for hours. I would say that the toughest part of being a senior companion is when the client wants you to sit with them for several hours and just listen or be quiet while they nod off. For people like me who are active this is a difficult task and requires sustained attention and focus. We do not move at their pace, and to them it is “normal” to just sit and “be.” Another challenge is that sometimes the client would like you to watch TV with them at volumes much too loud for comfort. I found that those little squishy earplugs were appropriate for that and rather than being irritated by a blaring TV, I could think my own thoughts and still be present with my client.
It has been a number of years since my caregiving days, and most of my former clients have passed on. When I reflect on this, I am saddened a little because it reminds me how fleeting life is and also that my clients were once vibrant people—parents, friends, neighbors, and contributing members of society. I’ve had retired airplane mechanics, teachers, nurses, stockbrokers, musicians, secretaries, and ladies who were very proud homemakers. They loved to reminisce about the shenanigans at work and it took them right back to that moment as if they were still there. It didn’t matter to me what they did, I found them all interesting and valuable, and we shared a lot of laughs! I believe that everyone has a purpose—no matter how old. And when it’s time, God takes us home.
After six years of caregiving experience, I had a natural curiosity about the aging process and decided to go back to the university where I got my teaching credential in the late 80’s, this time in pursuit of a Master’s of Gerontology (the bio-psycho-social aspects of aging). The campus at CSUF looked relatively the same but the students, of course, were about 30 years younger and seemed to walk, talk, and think a whole lot faster than “moi.” As well, the professors were somewhere in their late 30’s to mid 40’s, akin to my doctors who get younger each year. The icing on the cake during my time in school was writing a thesis on my favorite topic: Family Caregivers. This theme was woven through every class in my program because of its magnitude and meaning of contribution in American society and I felt it would be the perfect culmination for my education. It did not disappoint. Through my own research I learned that the adult daughter caregiver sacrifices their health and well-being (in a multitude of ways) for the sake of their mother in the latter part of her life—under any circumstance, no matter how hard it gets! It had really validated what I learned about mothers and their adult daughters in real life.
The characteristics of aging well are what I hope to leave with my adult children someday, and model for younger generations who elect to work with elders. I am determined to use the education I was privileged to get and combine it with my work experience as a former educator, private duty companion, and geriatric care manager to launch Superior Aging Care. As senior concierge companions, we pledge to faithfully serve the older adult community in a highly professional and caring way. We see ourselves as wearing many hats to accommodate a wide range of needs that our clients bring to us. We hope to earn your business and promise to serve your loved ones to the best of our ability and gain our spot in the ever-evolving arena of senior services.
Want to learn more about Superior Aging Care? Contact our team today at 949-687-2112 or reach out online for more information about us and our services.